Victoria Bassett-Wilton

I’ve never wanted children.  I knew it wasn’t something I wanted from an early age.  Not once in my twenty years have I desired to hold a newborn in my arms, or feel my body change with the swell of pregnancy.  I’ve not speculated on what a mini-me may look like, sound like, or be like.  It is simply not something I want.

And yet, so many find this choice unacceptable.  I dare say, some find it reprehensible.  Time and time again, people from all ages and places in my life – from family to acquaintances, to my best friend – have assured me that this choice is only temporary.  I will change my mind when I find someone, they say empathetically.  They say it as though my choice is not valid.  They say it as though I have a lesion that will one day heal with the right medication.

They do not accept my choice.

A woman is taught from childhood that motherhood is the ultimate goal.  The status which solidifies her place in society and gives her worth.  Plastic babies are sold as toys for little girls, and the world tells her eventually that plastic will become skin fashioned from her DNA.  The world tells her this is the only correct decision.  And this choice is not questioned.

Strangers do not tell the woman who desires children that she might change her mind.  Friends do not say she needs to mature more before she makes such a life-altering decision.  Family do not tell her she will regret her resolve.

Her choice is accepted without question; without doubt.

Although, a simple google search will tell you that some women do regret having children.  That the happiest women are the ones who did not have children.

I understand that many people – regardless of gender – will not understand my choice.  That’s fine.  You don’t have to understand it.  I myself don’t understand why someone would want to have children.  But I respect their decision. 

There are many reasons I don’t wish to have a child.  And though I don’t have to justify my choice, I will list the reasons for the sake of this blog. 

Overpopulation; climate change; a fear of raising a good human being in a chaotic world; a wish to live my life untethered; and my own mental health and wellbeing.

I know that some people change their minds – I am not ignorant to this fact – and perhaps that might one day be me.  But regardless, my choice – the choice to not have children – needs to be accepted and respected.

I know what I want from life, and children don’t have any part in it.